Beyond the Syllabus: A Reflection on Second Year

Why is it so hard to just be yourself?

When will I ever make friends at uni?

Is it normal to feel lonely at university? 

 

These are all questions I've asked myself during my time at university. As I’ve grown and developed, the idea of loneliness can feel quite embarrassing and not worth mentioning because everyone around you seems to have it figured out and be happy, with a close-knit friendship group and feeling content with the new friends they have made. When you’re the only one struggling to fit in, find the right friendship group, or deal with drama in a group you probably shouldn’t be in, it can feel exhausting, suffocating, and incredibly anxiety-inducing. When you look around university, it seems almost impossible for anyone to be ‘lonely’, especially in this age of abundant entertainment and technology that keeps everyone up to date and involved with the world. However, ironically, you might be surprised to realise that it can be the exact opposite, which is the reality for many.

Starting university was meant to be a fresh start, making new friends for life in the first year and starting a course I enjoyed. However, I had a very rude awakening upon arriving. As someone who had suffered from constant anxiety during my A-levels, I could not wait to leave school and start university, where I thought I’d feel a greater sense of agency and freedom and have a 'clean slate'. So, I went into university with the preconceived notion that the anxiety I felt during A-levels would disappear. But I was wrong (if only I could tell 18-year-old Ema that university isn’t always sunshine and flowers). The culture of drinking and partying seemed new and exciting, especially since I never drank or went to social gatherings like house parties during school due to my social anxiety. I didn’t realise how much this would still give me anxiety, which it does to this day. I put so much pressure on myself to conform to my new friends and create the best and ‘coolest’ impression I could by forcing myself to drink drinks I did not enjoy, which made me feel worse. This led to cycles of overthinking, feeling ashamed for drinking alcohol and not living up to the ‘uni student life’ expectations. Doing that made me realise that I wasn’t being authentic to myself, and if I continued, I would continue to beat myself up for not being able to drink as much as my flatmates. So, I made it clear to my new housemates that I don’t like drinking, and that made me feel a whole lot better.

Making new friends means moving outside your comfort zone. Living in student accommodation in my first year, I thought it’d be easy to find new friends. However, I quickly realised how extremely overwhelming and exhausting it was to get to know multiple personalities and even force a new personality of your own just to ‘fit in’ and make friends quickly. Although I got along with my housemates, I still felt lonely for most of my first year. Going through personal issues, such as relationship problems, was a big factor that caused me to isolate myself from everyone else. Now that my second year of uni is complete, I take this time to reflect on my experiences thus far. Since starting university, I’ve learnt a lot about myself through creating small and healthy friendships, as well as surviving toxic ones and, most importantly, accepting that it is okay to feel lonely. I ultimately learned how to accept myself as an individual, and although there are many things I wish I had known before starting uni, it is a part of my human experience which I would not change for anything. The university journey is an adventure full of new experiences and opportunities for personal growth. Although it can be daunting and tumultuous, one of the most significant aspects of this journey is the chance to know yourself better.

To anyone reading this, one thing I want you to remember is to always BE YOURSELF! Despite the challenges you may face, know that it is okay to feel alone, and the stigma behind being alone must be ignored. You are not alone!